The Confusion of Love
by SayurixGin
Summary: Hinamori Momo x Matsumoto Rangiku, written for the second round of the Bleach Romances Fanfiction contest.


**AN: **Written for the second round of the Bleach Romances Fanfiction contest. The pairing was Momo Hinamori x Rangiku Matsumoto, which was devilishly hard to write especially since I hate yuri. =.=

* * *

><p>Catching sight of a familiar haori and wildly spiky white hair, I ran to catch up, lightly springing off the hard dirt road.<p>

"Shiro-chan!"

He turned, his ever-present scowl reminding me of the Substitute Shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo.

"What is it, Momo?" For once, he didn't rebuke me for not calling him "Captain."

"How are you? We haven't talked in a while because you were so busy!"

"Blame that on my useless lieutenant," he grumbled, but the frown lifted slightly. I pouted.

"Rangiku-san? I know she slacks on paperwork sometimes, but it isn't nice to call anyone 'useless'. Besides, she's been such a good friend to me, Toshiro."

He remained silent for a few seconds. This did not concern me much as he'd always done that even as a child (not that he wasn't one now), but the unfamiliar expression on his face made me look twice.

"Shiro-chan?"

It was as if a brick wall had suddenly slammed between us; he turned his face from me and muttered, "It's nothing."

Confused and slightly hurt, I pressed, "Toshiro, are you angry at me?"

"No, it's nothing like that, Momo. I've got to drop off these papers at the 2nd Division so see you later." I watched as he strode off, iciness emanating from every part of his being. Toshiro and I had known each other long before entering the Academy, but sometimes it felt like I was talking to a complete stranger. Toshiro's behavior had started after the end of the Winter War, and he even began creating excuses to avoid meeting me more than necessary.

I had sought out Rangiku, one of my closest friends, for advice. She had passed it off as "male hormones" and changed the subject, but I always got the feeling she knew the reason but didn't want to tell me. The same went for Izuru, who comforted me in his own way but avoided direct answers. Occasionally I would feel a little offended that my friends didn't think I was mentally strong enough to face whatever truth or secret they were hiding, but would then remember the horrific betrayals and incidents of the past.

I'd been thoroughly and completely duped by not only Aizen's plots, but my own emotions. Now, many years later, I was finally growing up. It was as if a veil had been lifted and I could clearly see how foolish I'd been. You see, when you are still young, emotions easily affect your soul and your scope of vision is small. When someone you admire betrays you, it collapses your whole world, and when someone you have feelings for gives you a compliment, it is as if the sun has risen after a year of darkness. I wasn't naïve like that anymore, but my friends were unable to see the change I had undergone. To them, I was the same old Momo, young and innocent and trusting.

My thoughts were rudely broken by someone tapping me on the shoulder. Surprised, I whirled to find Rangiku peering down at me, her golden curls shining in the spring sunlight.

"Momo, you all right there? It looked like you were lost in your own world," she laughed brightly, and I couldn't help smiling.

"I'm fine, Rangiku-san. I was just thinking."

"Must be some pretty heavy thoughts. I'm off-duty this evening, want to go out?"

Though this wasn't the first time she had invited me for drinks or dinner, my heart leaped and I wondered why.

"Yes, of course!" I responded, and immediately wondered if I had sounded too forthcoming. She dispelled my fears quickly by clapping me on the shoulder.

"Great! I'll see you at the usual place, six o'clock!" Her very presence made my heart feel warm, and I shook it off by arduously working at the latest batch of paperwork. Dwelling never helped anything but I tended to do it quite often. In the past few months the main object of my concern had to do with a certain outgoing, attractive, and busty lieutenant.

* * *

><p>"No, no more, Rangiku," I protested weakly. Quite drunk herself, Rangiku poured me yet another glass of sake, hiccuping as she did so.<p>

"There's never too much, Momo!" Sighing, I took the proffered cup and sipped; I would have such a headache the next morning. Never did I understand why I let Rangiku do this to me.

I had a suspicion, though. A few minutes later, with the loosened inhibitions and muddled head that came from drinking, I surprised myself by saying, "Rangiku-san, I think I love you." Horrified, I clapped my hand to my mouth.

However, she did not react and I wondered if she had fallen asleep. Somewhere in the back of my head, a voice was telling me that it was better if she hadn't heard what I'd said, but...

"I know."

"You...heard that?"

"A' course," she slurred and grasped my hand. "But, Momo, you don't actually know what love is...not yet."

Hurt, I pulled away. "What do you mean?"

"It's admiration, Momo. The same as what you felt for Aizen, nothing more; we both saved your life, didn't we?"

The words cut sharp to my heart, and wounds I'd thought had healed suddenly reopened.

"Rangiku-"

"Believe me, Momo, I've been in love before. I still am, with a man who's _dead_ now, and I could never love you in that way. There's someone out there who's had feelings for you longer than you can imagine; go to him instead. Forget me, I'm just a shallow blonde," she laughed sarcastically and I flinched. This was my first time seeing such a side to Rangiku.

"You're not shallow! You're beautiful and wonderful and smart, and I _love _you," I insisted.

"You _don't_," she retorted, and as much as I wanted to cry out in defiance, something told me she was right. Feeling empty, I slowly stood, wobbling.

"Where you going?"

Not replying, I turned and stumbled out. In my own room, I pounded my pillow, wishing I could tear up my frustration and confusion just as easily.

* * *

><p>"Momo, we need to talk." Refusing to look up from my paperwork, I shortly replied, "I'm busy."<p>

"No, really. I remember what happened, you know." Having expected as much, I stamped my name on an approved document and moved it to the stack of finished papers.

"Listen to what I have to say," she pleaded, and I gave up and looked at her straight.

"There's nothing to be said. I apologize for my immature actions last night, Rangiku-san." She frowned.

"Please understand, Momo. I only want what's best for you-"

"It's fine."

She stared at me for another minute, then left silently. I buried my head in my hands.

"What's wrong?" Startled, I looked up to see Toshiro standing casually in the doorway, a shaft of light filtering through from behind him and illuminating his shockingly white hair.

I found myself unable to speak, lest all my emotions come tumbling out, and he came to my desk, leaning over it and facing me closely.

"Rangiku told me what happened."

I lowered my eyes. Now even Toshiro knew about my foolishness.

"I'm sorry." My head snapped back up in surprise.

"Why?" I queried in a whisper.

"For not being able to protect you. Momo, we all wished for you to continue living peacefully and happily, but it seems I have failed my duty."

I laughed shakily despite myself. "Shiro-chan, that collapsed a long time ago. There was nothing you could have done."

"Still, I'm sorry. I've caused it to rain yet again in your world."

Touched by this rare show of emotions, the barrier on my heart broke and tears ran down my face.

"It's not your fault. I was stupid," I sobbed out. Suddenly, he was on my side of the desk, gently holding me as best he could, albeit rather awkwardly.

"No, I should have told you earlier. Maybe it would have prevented this from happening," he whispered, sounding pained. Not wanting the moment to end, I leaned into his embrace.

"What do you mean?"

To my disappointment, he released me and looked away.

"I love you, idiot," he said roughly, but a blush gave him away. I gazed at him, mouth open.

"Shiro-chan?"

"I said, I love you," he repeated, and I slowly stood up, my heart beating unnaturally fast.

"Toshiro, I—I think I love you, but I'm not sure-"

He pulled me into a hug and I could feel his voice vibrating in his chest.

"That's okay. Take as much time as you need to decide." We remained locked together for a long time, and it was as if my past worries were dissipating with every second we stayed together.

"Excuse me, captain?" Instantly, we separated and found Rangiku in the open doorway, grinning at us.

Attempting to assume the stone-cold face he always wore, Toshiro asked, "What is it, Rangiku?"

"Captain, we've got to train the new recruits today, remember?"

"Right. I'll be out in a second. Er, can you leave us, Rangiku?" She gave an understanding shake of the head and left. Toshiro looked at me, his clear, icy blue-green eyes boring into mine.

"I'm sorry for being so sudden, but I was shocked to hear you were in love with Rangiku."

The notion suddenly seemed horribly alien and outlandish, and I felt hot with shame.

"I don't know what I was thinking. I must have been crazy!"

He gave me a small smile which I embedded in my memory as best I could, observing every detail. "Maybe. I'll see you later, Momo."

* * *

><p>"Rangiku, that night when I, you know," I trailed off. We were in the exact same place as that fateful night when I had confessed my feelings to her, this time talking over a stack of paperwork.<p>

"Yes, what about it?" she smiled.

"When you told me there was someone else-was that person Toshiro?" She placed her head on her chin, deftly twirling the glass in her hand.

"Of course. I'm glad he acted like a man and finally spoke up. I was starting to worry he'd never say anything!"

I blushed. "You mean, you knew?"

She looked at me sideways. "Momo, you were probably the only person in the entire division who was unaware of his feelings for you."

"Oh," was all I came up with, and she downed her cup in one gulp, then leaned forward with a mischievous grin.

"So, have you kissed him yet?" I promptly slapped the top of her head with a sheaf of paper, unable to stifle my own chuckles as I did so.


End file.
